When things aren't the same as they used to be
by flawedperfectionx
Summary: And there she was, Blair Waldorf in all her divine beauty. She entered through the double doored entrance, brown hair swishing as she walked.


**When things aren't the same as they used to be.**

Characters/Pairings: Blair/Nate. Hints of Serena/Dan

Rating: R

Summary: And there she was, Blair Waldorf in all her divine beauty. She entered through the double doored entrance, brown hair swishing as she walked.

--

It takes her five years to realize she made a mistake, 3 months to compose herself for their high school reunion, 5 weeks to come to terms with the fact that she'd lost everything good in her life, 6 days to pick out a dress and 43 minutes in a limo to arrive. Blair Waldorf's once gleaming state had shone its days and were not outnumbered. She could literally only imagine how many people would be there, she only knew the selected few of her class. Her throat clenched as the limo stopped along with her heart. It's once racing beats silencing to a low thud.

Playing with her fingers, she gulped in her pride, prepared to face whatever the evening would bring her. She wasn't, however, prepared for his arrival. The last time she'd talked to Nate had been at graduation, when they'd shared a friendly hug before she went off with Chuck and he with Vanessa. The door opened, revealing a worn facial, one of the driver she'd been driven around by for years. "Thank you, Gene." She said as she brought herself to her feet, kissing his cheek as she passed.

Her head tilted up to read the brightly colored sign, "Welcome to the Constance-St. Jude's Class of 2008 reunion."

"I hope you enjoy the day," she muttered sarcastically to herself.

--

Nate's arm was empty as he entered the auditorium. Memories of times spent with friends and family flew through his mind. His heart felt empty. Originally, he'd planned to not show because nobody would care like he wanted them to, but Chuck had insisted he come because it wouldn't be the same without him. Nate second guessed coming at all, nobody cared.

His eyes scattered the room, people he didn't even remember stood in front of him, claiming to be his previous classmates. A part of him was disgusted, while the other part didn't care. The sound of a few people clapping and the traditional music played through his ears, and he turned toward the source.

And there she was, Blair Waldorf in all her divine beauty. She entered through the double doored entrance, brown hair swishing as she walked. Nate had never felt like such a worthless piece of **** in his life until their fall-out so many years ago. He watched, almost in awe as she walked so elegantly through the crowd and straight to Serena, who looked much older and glowing than he remembered.

Nate turned his head, and started toward the balcony, vowing he'd never return in there again.

--

Blair spotted him from deep within the crowd, but didn't recognize him, didn't want to. Instead, she searched for another familiar face, one that she could blend in with. Spotting the blond, bubbly person she'd once called her best friend, she practically flew on her tippy toes toward her, giggling and squealing.

Her arms instinctively wrapped around the blond's waist, which was slightly bigger than what she remembered, not that she'd comment on it at this time. Maybe later she'd get her chance to sneak out to the balcony with her and catch up for old times sake. "I missed you, S." She whispered into her ear, holding onto her frame for dear life. Her friend sniffled and nodded into her shoulder, mumbling what she thought was 'I missed you too.'

Deep in conversation, she criticized herself for her eyes wandering to where he stood, watching as he walked away. Her heart felt as if it ran with him. Shut it, Blair. Stop thinking about him. But it was hard, especially after everything they'd gone through. "Blair?" She focused in as soon as she heard her name once more. "Honey, are you okay? I haven't seen you this distracted in years."

She smiled delicately back at her friend and nodded. "I'm fine, as you said, distracted by how many people were in our class. There's got to be at least 50 here.. and I know only like, five."

Their conversation grew once more, and Blair drifted into her previous thoughts. It was as if he had a constant, undying hold on her soul, and he wouldn't let go. All she wanted to do was scream until it all felt better.

_Scream, little girl, scream._

--

Nate strayed out on the balcony, walking past people who couldn't of cared less about what he was doing. Their only attention on their significant other. He longed for that feeling, longed to be held in somebody's arms and be their only one. But he'd lost that, four times now, and it seemed as if nothing would ever change the feeling he had deep down inside. "I'm so emo," he said just loud enough for him to hear and not to bother the people around him.

He had forgotten how beautiful New York was at night. He swore if life had a mute button he could look at it for days at a time. Nate bent, leaning against the balcony's edge as he watched in awe of the aurora. He no longer felt as if he was worth nothing, for his thoughts were elsewhere, but deep down inside, he was sure that once he revived back into his awful thoughts he'd regret ever coming coming here once more.

"Nate!" Twelve year old Blair grinned as she ran toward him, wrapping her arms around his neck before he even knew what was going on. Her lips pressed against his in a hurried phase, pulling away after a few minutes.

"Blair!" He cried, equally excited. "I have something for you." He separated from her and dug deep in his jacket pocket, picking out a black ring box. "It's nothing special."

Before he could even muster another word, she reached over and accepted it from his hand. She hesitantly opened it, her mouth dropping open a bit. Before her eyes, was a red ruby ring. "Oh my god." She said softly.

"Is it too much?"

"No," she smiled, meeting his gaze. "It's perfect." She walked toward him and planted another kiss on his lips.

As she pulled away, he took her left hand and the box, pulling the ring out of its box. He slid it onto her finger and kissed the top. She smiled at him, knowing that it was something that would stay there for concievably the rest of her life.

Nate coughed as soon as he brought himself back to reality's state. He turned to see nobody behind him, obviously they had either been caught and asked to leave or went back inside because of the sudden frigid temperatures. He didn't care, only turned his head back toward the light, his breath a white mist in front of his face. He tightened his grip on the railing as he contemplated how long it would take to plunge to his death. "Stop it." He ordered himself. "Just because your life has been an epic failure doesn't mean you have to end it. There's better things up ahead."

Ah, who was he kidding? Without her, there'd never be another better thing up ahead.

--

After she finally pried herself from Serena who had been going on about how amazing her life had been since graduating from Brown. Apparently different schools had ceased to break apart her and her now fiancé, Dan. It wasn't that Blair wasn't happy for her, she just couldn't believe how long she could talk. Shaking her head, she walked out on the balcony, undoing her hair from its half-pony tail. When her head turned upward, she stopped. Nate.

Contemplating whether to run back in and get gabbed off by Serena again, Blair turned to the side, pretending to be an innocent bystander just there to watch the lights. She hoped he wouldn't recognize her and that there wouldn't be a confrontation. Her hopes were diminished as if hit by a freight train when she heard, "Blair? Is that you?"

She smiled despite herself and nodded. "It's been a while."

He gestured to a hug, which she accepted. "Yes it has," he whispered into her hair. She held onto him for a few moments, breaking apart once the moment had ended.

"Way too long," she added to the casual aroma of the conversation.

"Whatever happened?" He asked abruptly. "Between us?"

Blair didn't know how to answer that question, she felt to naive to answer it for him, almost as if she was still the young girl who had fallen in love with him and convinced herself that he'd be her forever. "We lost it all," she said point-blank. "And never tried."

"We should of."

"I know."

The deadly silence grew back, for neither of them knew what to say to brighten up a conversation, make it possible for them to forgive and forget their past. He reached for her hand, thumbing the top before she pulled it away, her brown eyes fragile and lost. "Dance with me?" He proposed.

She met his blue, oceanic featured eyes and for a moment forgot how to breathe and how to speak. Everything she'd wanted was standing right in front of her, proposing a dance. A friendly dance. All she could do was nod her head, and before she could contemplate what was happening, his hand took hers, intertwining their fingers. She feared he'd bring her back inside because her skin felt cool, but instead, he brought her to the middle of the balcony, set his arm around her waist as she positioned her hand on his shoulder and they began to dance, forgetting all the troubles they'd had in their lives, and focusing on their significent other.

She swayed to the music that poured from the ballroom, her eyes never once leaving his. And so, they stayed like that, swaying until her head became tired and it fell to rest atop of his strong torso. He broke their embrace and let her arms slink around his neck, weaving his own arms around her waist.

"Nate?" She said in the moonlight.

"Yeah?" He whispered.

"I never stopped loving you," she said as she lifted her head, meeting their gaze again.

Nate felt as if his throat contracted. "Me either," he managed to say. Blair stared at him for a moment, then retracted a bit, bringing herself to her tippy-toes to meet their lips.

"Want to go somewhere more private?" She whispered.

"Of course."

--

He crawled up the bed to lie beside her. At first he just stared at her face, getting lost in her beautiful brown eyes. She placed feathery kisses along his cheekbones, across his jaw, and on his eyes and nose as he studied her. Her touch was so gentle and soft, almost ethereal. He'd never had a more gentle lover in his life.

Soon his fingers began to wander down her body, fingering the lace on the cup of her bra, its' texture bumpy under his smooth skin. She closed her eyes and bit her lip, always in awe of what the faintest of touches from him could make her feel, always leaving her wanting more. It was intoxicating. He slid his finger slowly down the cup and into the valley of her breasts, stopping to kiss the exposed flesh there that he found so sexy. His finger continued on downward along the side of her body crossing her waist and hip. Her curves were his undoing. It was inconceivable to him why any man would want a woman with no curves. They were alluring and seductive and what made a woman uniquely female.

She shifted under his fingers, pulling her body closer to his, trying her best to displace every bit of air between their bodies. She needed to feel the contours of his body on hers. He could feel her need in her tensed muscles so he wrapped his arms around her to reassure her he was there and not going anywhere. She smiled up at him, knowingly. He always knew what she needed and how to give it to her.

"Do you mind?" he questioned, tugging at the neck of his shirt. "I just need to feel your skin on mine." She wanted the same, nodding her head in silent agreement. She helped him by lifting the shirt by its' hem as he pulled it over his head. He covered her in his warmth, skin on skin, his strong arms around her as she stroked his chest with her fingertips. She caressed him gently, creating tingly sensations on his skin that made him shiver under her touch. A soft moan escaped his lips as he relaxed into what he craved so much, the feel of her skin on his, the sensation of her touch on his body. It was erotic and provocative and encompassing and soothing and healing. It was everything all at once. It was her.

The more skin he touched the more he wanted to touch. The feel of her soft porcelain skin was like heaven. She was like his oxygen, his lifeline, and he needed to touch every part of her to keep the connection and stay alive. He dropped one hand to her leg, running it lovingly up and down the back of her thigh, pulling her leg to his body and draping it over his legs. He longed to be tangled up in her and feel complete.

His lips were electric on hers, searching out sweet salvation from her mouth, inaudible need and want pulsating between their tongues. He moved from her mouth to her neck, kissing and sucking the sensitive skin there, feeling desperate and wanton as she moaned into his ear. She murmured words of love and forever, her head tilted back in ecstasy as he worked his magic. The promise of forever on her lips made him so hard it hurt.

Her hands roamed his body, softly caressing each and every part of him. She wanted him so badly she could taste it. He used his charms to pleasure her in just the right way. He was an expert on her, knowing where to touch her, how to touch her, what to do to get what he wanted, and he wanted her, there was no doubt about it. She let her hands drift down to his waist, finding his belt and unbuckling it, pulling it from the loops on his pants. She looked up to find him gazing down at her, his eyes laden with need. She unbuttoned his jeans, sliding down the zipper with her eyes locked on his, returning the need they shared with silent pleading eyes.

"Please touch me," he urged, almost crippled by the emotion he was feeling. She happily dropped her hand down and stroked him through the fabric of his dress pants. The contact from her hand was bliss and brought a hiss to his lips as he tried to process the sensation. She slipped her hand into his boxers, using only a finger to stroke his length. The intensity created by her touch inundated his senses with pleasure, his body tensing under her purposeful stroking. He reached for her, clutching her to his body, hoping she'd help him relax and bring him back from the high she'd sent him on, bring him back to her so he could love her with everything he had.

His hands found her ass, cupping and squeezing it gently in response to her touches. She felt good in his hands, his fingers instinctively snaking into her panties as he traced the edge of the fabric. She opened her legs, inviting him in, and he sought and found her centre. He slipped a finger inside of her, finding her incredibly wet, gliding easily in and out of her. Her moan was sweetness to his ears, giving him consent to slip a second finger in and pleasure her further. She was at his mercy, exactly where she wanted to be. She could feel the friction building with each touch, that glorious heavenly friction that could only come from him touching her.

"Make love to me," she requested breathily, tugging at his jeans and boxers to pull them down his body. "I need you…now…please."

He slipped her panties off, lowering them down her legs with his teeth, then kissing and licking his way back up her legs, paying special attention to her inner thighs with gentle nips and whispery kisses. He knelt between her legs, and steadying his weight against her body he lifted her hips up and entered her.

Making love to her always felt amazing but it was times like this that made him realize just how intimate they were. It was so much more than physical intimacy. It was trust and surrender and cooperation and communication. It was love and emotion and connection and exclusion of the rest of the world. It was everything. It was them.

They clung to each other, wrapped in each other's arms, legs tangled, just the way he wanted it. He moved in and out of her slowly and deeply, each movement deliberate and calculated to maximize the sensations. He wanted to take his time but it was hard not to get swept away in the intensity of loving her. Soft moans urged him on, murmurs of need and want and how good he felt and how she missed him. When he couldn't hold back any longer, overtaken by her and his feelings for her, he pounded into her body with abandon, finding her hips underneath him and grasping them for more control. He was relentless in his effort to pleasure her, never letting go of her, never withholding what she needed, never giving into what his body craved because of what her body gave to him. It was for her. Everything was for her.

He knew she was close as she held him more closely, silence on her lips, her fingers digging into his back and her feet into the back of his calves. She was stunningly beautiful as she came beneath his body, loud and hard in his arms. She continued thrusting her hips into his, waiting, urging his climax with breathy whispers of sweet surrender. His climax consumed his entire body as pulses raced through every part of him. He'd never felt so complete in his life. And it was because of her. It was always her. She was everything, his everything.


End file.
